Moving on to Eigth Grade

       
       Now that Onnaka is moving onto eighth grade she seems to be excited and nervous. She is learning not to let her anxiety get the best of her.  She has some mixed emotions about advancing on in middle school. She has become comfortable where she was at. But she is eager to see find out what is in store for her next year. She has definitely grown in the past year. Onnaka has taken some advice that I have taught her on how to deal with her anxiousness. Everyday I see she tries to let her guard down a little at a time. I know every teenager has their moments and middle school isn't easy. Onnaka also has realized that she is one year full year from being a freshmen in high school. When I look at her I see the little baby I brought home from the hospital. I can't believe how time has flown along with how much we have gone through to get her to this point. I personally never that any school would have given her a chance especially when she was in elementary school. She has went from this quiet little girl to a young lady that is talking in school now. She has made some vast improvements in the last few years. 
      She has had her share of disagreements with her friends. She has learned how to speak up for herself when needed with classmates. Onnaka also has become more relaxed to where she can be silly in front of people without worrying about what other people think of her. Onnaka is starting to show the world who Onnaka really is. All that going back and forth with psychiatrists and medications she has been on along with all the fighting for her rights at school has been well worth it. No one ever believed she was able to talk, play, read, and interact with other kids her age. I never thought that teachers would ever get to see it for themselves. Onnaka has really overcome her Selective Mutism in bigger strides than I could have ever imagined. I am excited for Onnaka and can't wait to see what this year brings her. To prove some teachers wrong and show them that yes Onnaka can do things she is suppose to, this is the best feeling in the world. I don't know how many times I wanted to fight with teachers and school staff over Onnaka. You never realize how much you would do for your child until you have kids. It has really been a roller coaster of emotions but well worth it.

Life with Anxiety in Junior High

      Now that Onnaka is in settled in junior high she has definitely grown to a smart young lady. But with that comes the usual stuff being in middle school. Worried about what she is going to wear verses what she won't wear. Those are big decisions already but with her it's 10 times worse. She has so many cute clothes but she always choses clothes that are a little bigger on her. When she choses to wear her cute clothes she wears a coat and zips it all the way up even if its 80 degrees outside. I try on a regular basis to asure her that it's ok to wear things that fit. She panics often so i back off. Then there is the homework issue. I never see majority of her homework. When i ask her about it she states it done. I never see graded papers I always hear that she doesn't have those papers. I wonder if she is worried about bad grades or worried about what I would say. I am hard on all my girls about school work. But with Onnaka it's a totally different way of dealing with her. I never hear about any type of dances or social gatherings from Onnaka. I believe she is afraid to try to branch out as a 13 year old girl makes her nervous. She can't even stand to be left at the house for more than 20 minutes by herself. She goes into an anxiety fit. Dealing with her anxiety when she was younger was easier. Now that she is a teeanger it definitely more of a challenge. 
      
      When you have the typical teenager fits and tears. Times that by 10 dealing with Onnaka's fits.
I have to teach her on a regular basis that she needs to walk away from situations when she gets frustrated. Otherwise she says things to hurt everyone's feelings. And then she feels worse in the end. She has a habit of picking on what everyone is doing like a normal teenager. It seems like she does it every chance she gets. Trying to teach a teenager how to leave things alone sometimes is difficult at times. I am always so worried about pushing Onnaka to far sometimes. I worry about what she could say or how she would react. 

      Raising teenagers it hard now a days. But when you have a child with any type of anxiety, panic attacks, and depression throws more challenges in your way. Try to tread lightly but not too light. Learn to talk with them and come up with a way to help them deal with their feelings. Remember when its a struggle for you, try to image the struggle that goes on with them. 

The Divorce

      On top of helping Onnaka with her issues. I had issues going on at home. My marriage was falling apart and had been for years. But we couldn't run from it anymore. I filed for divorce and was more worried about how Onnaka was going to deal with it. Would she shut down even more or would she notice that I wasn't happy and it was for the best. I was very careful with how I handled the issue around Onnaka. As time went on, I noticed Onnaka and one of her sisters acting out alot. I was so worried about Onnaka shutting down we had made the decision for her and her sister to live with her dad. That lasted a few months before they were back with me. But this time I had transferred my job to a different city and moved. I was so worried about Onnaka making this last move. It's never easy for anyone that has anxiety to make big changes. Let alone a kid that is faced with such a big move. But Onnaka was a trooper she embraced the move as much as she could. I got her and her sisters settled into a school and waited to see what would transpire. Onnaka decided she wanted to be in band and all of a sudden she started talking in school. I couldn't believe it. I was in denial this was happening. Until one day there was an open house of some sort and my boyfriend had went to this. He had told me that the teachers stated she was talking and participating in class. And she had friends she was speaking to. I was in disbelief. I sat down with Onnaka and asked what was so different? She had told me that she was more comfortable and it was easier. I cried. All those years I faught for her to get the right help. Or just to get people to understand her. It took a totally different school in a totally different city to get her to her own comfort zone. 
       Now the challenge is dealing with her anxiety at a teenage stage. This is the most challenging by far. She is very insecure of herself. And always worrying about what people might say about her. I know this is typical with all teenagers but when they suffer with anxiety its 10 times worse. It's scary for me to watch her struggle with anger or just wanting to teach her coping mechanisms with her anxiety. People with anxiety their emotions are like a roller coaster and its not an easy thing to deal with. But I'm up for the challenge. I too suffer from anxiety and I try to teach Onnaka things that I have learned through the years. When you try to teach a teenager something reagardless they are right no matter what. I always have this fear that when she gets older she will turn to the wrong things in life to cope with her anxiety. So I try my best to teach her the right coping skills so that way she will never have to turn to anything else.

        Every day is challenging when dealing with someone especially your own child that has anxiety. Whether you decide that you want to try medication or try other options it's never easy. We did try medication, but we ended up opting to stop the medicine. We wanted to learn how to work through this with her. Onnaka is 13 years old now and it worries me more now than ever. Onnaka has battled with people just throwing their hands up and just saying they don't know what to do. I have prayed for her and still do. As she gets older she faces bigger obstacles that will put her anxiety through the test. As her mother I have had stuck up for her and fought for her and shed tears for her. She may not know now how much I have done to make people understand her. I had done alot of homework on Selective Mutism and gotten one of her schools to educate themselves on this subject. We have had Psychologists offer to go and have a meeting with teachers and staff at her schools, so that they could better understand why kids go through this anxiety disorder. And to help them adjust how they deal with frustration with it. Because trust me it isn't easy. We only had one school system take up the offer to have someone come educate them and they paid for it. It took everything I had not to cry while I sat there and listen to all their questions and concerns. That showed me they really truly genuinely cared about what was going on with Onnaka. I have never had anyone try to help Onnaka in school. I had to pull teeth just to get her an IEP so that they wouldn't hold Onnaka back because they couldn't verbally assess her at school.
         After that meeting things started to turn around. The teachers were findings way to get Onnaka to participate in class projects by designating someone to talk for her. She got into Girl Scouts and started to go to slumber parties. But she still wouldn't talk. That was something that would take more time. But Onnaka was starting to branch out and experience being a normal little girl and hang out with friends. All that hard work trying to figure how to get Onnaka to socialize was starting to pay off. But the hardest part isn't done. The hardest part was Onnaka learning that it's ok to talk.  So, I sat down with her one day and asked why she doesn't try to talk and her response was people will laugh at her and make fun of her. My heart broke here is this little girl that is so afraid to talk to friends what do I do now.  I was so mind blown Onnaka plays with the kids next door just fine and she even talks to them. She is speaks and reads just fine but just wouldn't talk in school. It goes to show me no matter what keep striving to make thing better for Onnaka. We have definitely made progress already with her hanging out with people. Never give up on people that you love and care about you never know what kind of battle they face on a daily basis. Some people struggle more than others but through time and patience you will see why it pays to keep putting in everything you got.

My hope with this blog is help people better understand what kids and parents go through, that face anxiety on a daily basis. They never said life was easy, but as I a parent I always wanted my kids to enjoy life just being a kid and not worry on a daily basis. Have you ever had that feeling of fear for your own child without them even being in pain? It's a feeling that you wish you didn't have to have. There's nothing like it. See 13 years ago I had a little girl named Onnaka, everything seemed so normal. The usual baby stuff you go through and watching them grow up into a toddler before your eyes. I was fortunate enough to stay home for the first 2 years of her life. I had to return back to the work force and had to put both her and her older sister into daycare. I remember the first time I was told by the daycare that Onnaka wouldn't talk or participate in anything, she wasn't being vocal at all. My first thought was that she was just being shy because she was always around family and this was new to her. So as the months went by I was constantly being told that she wouldn't talk and still wouldn't do any group activities. So I took her to the doctor and I was simply told she will grow out of it. I took the doctors advice and stuck with it. When Onnaka was 4 years old she started preschool. That's when things started to get challenging. Onnaka wasn't talking in school at all. I didn't understand what was going on with her, she was a normal 4 year old at home. The teachers would tell me on a regular basis that they couldn't assess her on any reading or anything verbal. No one could figure out what was going on with Onnaka. Not even Onnaka would tell us why she wouldn't talk in school, but she would at home. Then in kindergarten her teacher would get so upset with me over Onnaka not speaking. I cried so many nights because I didn't know what to do for her. That was the worst feeling I ever felt I knew she was smart but her teachers had no clue. One day after many arguments with teachers and staff members of the school I was told about an anxiety that people have called Selective Mutism. The principal of Onnaka's school had told me that she knew of another kid that had it in the school. Then she proceeded to give me this parents information. I decided at first there was no way I wanted to except my child having anything wrong with her. But I made the phone call that changed everything on what was going on with Onnaka. Everything she was going through and doing was the same exact thing this other little boy was going through. I received a number and a name of a psychiatrist that specialized in this anxiety.  We went to several sessions and finally received the diagnosis of Selective Mutism. Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder also known as the Shy Kid Syndrome. Basically when people experience this type of anxiety they shut down in some way. I couldn't believe my little girl was already experiencing anxiety this bad at such a young age. Months of sessions and medication to help Onnaka wasn't getting anywhere. Even with a diagnosis we were still battling the teachers saying they couldn't assess her to see if she was at grade level. But Onnaka was still passing we couldn't figure it out. Only time could tell if Onnaka was going to eventually grow out of this or learn how to manage her anxiety.

Hello English 111 friends. Looking forward to a great semester in this class.